My Immortal
by Jack E. Peace
Summary: After escaping the mall, the survivors have found a possible safe haven, but Ana doesn't feel safe now that she's suffered another lost. Told in Ana's POV, she reflects back on Michael and all that she's lost.


Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. The title and various words come from the song "My Immortal" by Evanescence. 

A/N: Well, the number of reviews I've been getting for my two previous stories has been amazing! You guys are great! Be sure to keep it up; please read, review and, of course, enjoy. 

There was no escaping the gun shot that followed soon after Steve's boat had been shoved out to sea. There was nowhere to go, no where to hide from the thick crack which I knew would soon fill the air. I watched Michael for a long time before he raised the gun, our eyes locked, mine filled with tears just as his were. His eyes were filled with the sorrow of promises broken and chances lost. 

I continued to watch as Michael got farther and farther away, becoming nothing but a human-sized shadow against the billowing smoke; I could still picture the sorrow in his eyes that reflected mine no matter how away he became. 

I saw Michael begin to raise the silver pistol to his temple and I squeezed my eyes shut as tightly as they would go. But there was no escaping the gun shot. 

The gun shot was not drowned out by the rising growls of the zombie creatures that swarmed the dock. I winced when it cracked through the air and slid to the ground, eyes still shut, my back pressed against the starboard side of the boat. From somewhere off to my right, Nicole gave a little whimpering cry and I could imagine her pressing her face against Terry's chest for comfort. I had no one to seek comfort from. I had lost everyone. 

I didn't open my eyes again for a long time, just how long I had no idea; I didn't move again until my legs started to ache and my neck muscles began to burn. Finally, my eyes fluttered open and I shifted my weight, despite the protest of muscles. I could no longer see the dock but could see the billowing black smoke that still stretched toward the horizon. The sun was high in the nearly cloudless sky, so I figured it was some time after noon. 

Nicole was lying on the ground on top of Terry's jacket at the back of the boat, appearing to asleep with her arms wrapped tightly around the dog, Chips. Terry was piloting the boat toward the island we all needed to be there and Kenneth was seated on the single seat that faced directly toward the tip of the boat. 

Terry looked up when I finally stood and offered me a weary, comforting smile. "You were sitting there so long we thought you had gone to sleep." He remarked, checking the boat's coarse before looking up again. 

"Who could sleep at a time like this?" I mumbled, my eyes drifting toward Nicole, who stirred slightly. 

Terry's glanced back at his girlfriend with a gentle smile on his face. Michael had often smiled at me like that; I felt my heart lurch and tried to force down the emotions that were bubbling inside me. "Only the crazy ones." He remarked in response to my question, still looking at the sleeping Nicole lovingly. 

I sighed, heading toward the back of the boat, where Nicole lay, and sat down on the single cushion that covered the ice box beside the propeller; we had already stocked the ice chest with food, water bottles and soda cans. 

The propeller churned the water behind us, turning it a thick, foamy white and, as I watched the water churn, realized just how soothing the sound was. I didn't think, however, that I would ever be completely at peace again. 

With an indignant chuff, Chips wiggled out from beneath Nicole and trotted across the boat. The redhead woke with a start and I figured she had just been roused from a zombie induced nightmare. Lord knew I had had enough of those. 

Nicole looked over at me and offered an embarrassed smile, as though she had guessed what I was thinking. I forced myself to return the gesture and then turned my gaze elsewhere. 

The horizon line seemed to stretch on forever, a never-ending line that wasn't even really there at all. The sky beyond was a beautiful powder blue, streaked with green, that reminded me of the island where I had spent my honeymoon with Louis. Tears pricked my eyes and instead of wishing to share the view with Louis, it was Michael I yearned to be with. It was Michael I was trying not to cry for. 

I jumped, startled, when I felt someone's hand lightly touch my shoulder. Upon whirling around so fast I nearly fell backward, I saw Nicole standing beside me, withdrawing her hand, surprised by reaction. "Sorry." She mumbled. 

"You'd think I'd be less skittish by now." I remarked with forced lightness to put her at ease. I had never been close to Nicole, and sometimes found myself unsure of how to act around her. Nicole smiled slightly, the right corner of her mouth turning up; I saw that her cheeks dimpled when she smiled, making her look younger then she actually was. 

The boat rocked as it knocked against a wave and Nicole nearly lost her footing; I wasn't used to being on a boat and clearly neither was she. I scooted over on the cushion, making room for the girl, who dropped down beside me. "I'm sorry about Michael." She said and I could see the honesty in her eyes. "Are you all right?" 

I thought about giving her a short answer, telling her I was fine when I really wasn't. Instead, I shook my head, dropping my shoulders. "No." I admitted. "Not at all." I shifted my gaze away from her when I felt my eyes begin to tear up again. 

Nicole rested her hand upon my shoulder again, a more comforting gesture then before. "I really _am _sorry, Ana. Michael was a great guy." She murmured, so softly that I wondered if she was talking to me or herself. 

"I know." I agreed, just as softly. "I loved the way he used to smile, to laugh, the way his eyes lit up when he made a joke. The way he used to look at me. No one will ever look at me like that again." I paused, wondering why I was telling Nicole all of this, but it was all true; not even Louis used to look at me that way, with his eyes filled with adoration. 

Nicole looked like she wanted to comfort me but couldn't come up with any fitting words. After all, for all any of us knew, we were the only people left alive. There was no comfort for that. Instead, she put her arms around me and pulled me into an embrace, an action that surprised me so much that, for a moment, my arms hung limply at my sides. I returned her embrace, taking what little comfort she had to give. 

When the embrace was broken, Nicole offered me a wane smile. "Don't worry, Ana, one day it'll all be okay." Those were the same words Michael had used and I felt the same way now as I had then. No, it wasn't going to be okay. How would it be okay when the only man I had ever come to love was dead? How would anything ever be okay again? 

Instead of saying these things, I only nodded. Nicole must have seen something in my eyes then and she stood again, squeezing my hand before heading over to where Terry stood, slipping her arm around his waist. Terry turned to look at her, a smile on his face. I turned my head away; it wouldn't do me any good to watch them. 

For a while, I sat watching the waves roll across the slightly choppy sea, watching the way the sun sparkled and danced across the water. I tried to think about the patterns the rays made but all I could think about was Michael and how his eyes sometimes matched the color of the water I was now staring into. Even though Michael was back at the dock, dead and no doubt food for those bastard creatures, it felt as though he was still here, as though if I listened hard enough that I would hear is voice, or that if I looked hard enough, I would see his face. 

Squeezing my eyes against these thoughts, I dangled my hand over the edge of the boat and let my fingers trail in the cold water. Shutting my eyes did nothing to protect my heart against thoughts of Michael, only made it easier to see his face, to see the look in his eyes when he held my hand for the final time. _It will be okay, Ana, _I could hear his voice just as clearly as if he had just spoken to me right that second. 

It wouldn't be all right, not now, when I could still feel the heat of his skin against mine and hear his voice. It was as though he was here instead of there, with his arm wrapped around my shoulders just as Terry's was around Nicole, telling me about what we were going to do when we got to the island. He could tell the most interesting stories, even though he was just a salesman, and always managed to captivate me with every word he said. I wished he was hear to captivate me now. 

Unable to hold in my tears any longer, I buried my face in my hands, one still damp and cold from the water, and let myself give into the sobs. Tears ran down my cheeks, hot and sticky, and wouldn't stop when I tried to get them under control. Since this whole 'ordeal' had began, I hadn't allowed myself to cry, wouldn't allow myself to give into the emotion that cloud my thoughts. 

I didn't look up, couldn't stop crying, even when I felt someone wrap their arms around my shaking shoulders, Nicole I knew. "It's all right, Ana." She murmured, meaningless words that had little affect on me. 

"He's not here." I managed to choke out, more for my own benefit then hers. "He's really gone." I pressed my face against her shoulder, chest hitching as I tried to draw in a breath, tried to get myself under control. 

Nicole didn't respond, did nothing but hold me until my sobs finally stopped. I looked past her when I finally lifted my head, gazing out toward the horizon line once more, thinking about Michael again. Though he was dead, he still had a part of me that no one else ever had, a part of myself that I had yet to find. He had the good parts and the bad, the person I had been before the mall and the person I would forever be after. Michael would forever have all of me. 


End file.
